The second draft, as seen above, has been edited so that it meets the requirements that the 1st draft annotations made clear. The edited parts are seen in the 2nd draft as they are in red.
The idea of the magazine article (in my eyes) was to engage the reader in a conversation, and I feel that the 2nd draft does a better job of this than the 1st draft. However, one problem still lies.
I feel the ending needs a greater summary to it. The idea of the concluding paragraph is to convince the reader through the use of evidence in the earlier parts of the article. So something needs to change about that. Other than that one minor point, the article looks a lot better, and is starting to look how I had originally envisioned it would be like.
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